Rituals of Intimacy: Connecting Through Intimacy

1. Cleanse

Create an environment where intimacy can grow. Environment is everything. Intimacy can make you very vulnerable in the moment. It's important that you have a space clear of any negative attachments of baggage from the outside world. I  like to cleanse my bedroom, my partner and myself before any sort of intimacy. It's important to cleanse yourself of any negative attachments you may have picked up during the day so that you are only bringing your own energy to the bedroom and to your partner. You can use sage or cedar smudge, or light incense. Another alternative if you are able to burn anything is to diffuse cleansing essential oils like thieves, or to use a singing bowl for sound clearing. Feel free to combine these methods until you feel your space is clear. 


2. Burn

Fire is a powerful source of energy that will bring provide soft lighting to your room. Light a candle or burn some incense to bring fire energy into the room. Fire is a passionate and transformative, bringing fire energy into your space allows you connect with the beautifully creative energy of sex and intimacy.  If you are unable to burn things, a good alternative to a candle is a Himalayan salt lamp. Not only do they create beautiful mood lighting but they also purify the air and de-humidify.


3. Pause

With the pace of life sometimes it feels like you don't have time to just *be* with your partner. It's important to use the moments you do have alone to focus on spiritual intimacy as well as physical. Stop and take time to connect spiritually whether it be through a mindful check in, meditation or prayer. One of my favorite things to do is a body scan meditation. If you have anxiety or tend to over analyze things during intimacy this will help you get out of our head and into your body. If there is a disconnection between the mind and the body, intimacy will highlight it. When we are more connected with our mind than our body it makes it difficult to be fully present to the sensations of pleasure happening in our body. This might make it feel like you're dissociating during intimacy, especially if you've had a history of trauma. Doing a body scan or similar kinds of meditation will allow you to quiet your mind and really focus on the sensations of your body. 

4. Move

Another way to focus on your body is to do some sacral chakra and root chakra stretches. These chakras both affect sexuality and intimacy and it's important to make sure you do not have any energy blockages. We live in a culture that tells us to be ashamed of our sexual organs and we rarely every focus or love that part of our body outside of sex. Many of us have sexual hangups that have manifested as pain in these areas. It's important to work to release any negative feelings we have about our bodies, especially our sexual organs and understand they they are powerful centers of energy and creation. Doing hip opening stretches will help release some of the physical and emotional tension that could be built up.